peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
