The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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