People in love make me want to vomit
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
