i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
