He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
