Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
