And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Please don't give away my fajitas
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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