You can't special order awesome
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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