I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
