I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
