My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
