It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Is it because I queefed?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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