so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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