Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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