Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
