u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
