How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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