he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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