I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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