sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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