I feel like I'm in dance class right now
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
