i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
