Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
