i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
