I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize