1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My vagina is officially offended.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
