I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
