it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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