just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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