Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
