Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
