Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
