He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
