32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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