he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
