You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
