Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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