During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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