So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
