i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
