well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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