he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
