mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
