Jerry, you need to find god
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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