Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
