Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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