Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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