Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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