You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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