he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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